A World Without Fear

How would my world would be different without fear? That’s a question/ statement I often think about. In fact I dwell on this topic because I think (rather I know) I live much of my life in a constant state of fear. No matter how I try to rid or calm myself of scary thoughts, the fears surrounding me always manage to find their way back home.

What is it that I fear? Well, here are the most common culprits that keep me from living peacefully:
•sickness
•death
•something happening to my daughters
•change
•controlling colleagues
•circumstances of my job
•planes, boats(other places where I can not easily escape)

What would my life be like without fear? I can’t imagine a world without it. Fear for me is a constant companion-it accompanies me everywhere. God knows I’ve tried to overcome my anxieties. I exercise, I write, I read, I have had counseling, I talk about it, ad nauseum, to anyone willing to listen. I have tried meditation, deep breathing. I look for inspirational quotes/messages to empower me. Sometimes these things do actually work… for a little while. Eventually though, the fears I try to run from find their way back.

I was once asked by a friend why I viewed my fears as a weakness. Through my tears I explained that I felt like a hypocrite for asking my daughters to live a fearless life, while I remain ruled by fear. She in turn simply stated that I needed to accept this part of me. Why fight something so hard? But isn’t acceptance – weakness? A cop out? Is it? Is it just part of who I am, part of my DNA? The way I’m wired? At times I tell myself yes, and at times I find myself enraged for being so afraid of the things that I cannot control.

So what would my life be like without fear? My fears are so ingrained that I can’t imagine it. Can you, reader, imagine your life without your hand or leg? For me, it feels the same- asking me to live without a part of myself that is me. I often wonder what things might I have accomplished in life had this part of me not existed. Would I be more successful, happier, popular? What other path would I have followed had fear not always been along for the ride to govern my every action? Some would argue that a life lived without fear leads to a life without regrets. All the quotes tell me this is so. Yet had I lived a life without my fears, would I have the precious life that surrounds me today? As I sit here gazing at my daughters and my husband I know that answer. I think I will take my fears, no matter how frustrating they can feel. They are part of me, but at this very moment- I won’t trade them for the life I see right in front of me.