Courage

The time has come for my family and I to relocate. Moving is something that both my husband and I are familiar with, having relocated 6 times in our marriage thus far. What sets this move apart from the previous times is distance. While we have crossed state lines before, all of our past address changes have been within a 30 mile radius. Presently not the case. Today we find ourselves moving across several┬ástate boundaries. 381.6 miles to be exact. In today’s global world, that distance shouldn’t mean much. Friends and family can tap in quicker than ever before. I know this to be true, yet right now my heart is heavy. I’m questioning all the reasons that weeks ago made so much sense. I know that feelings of unease accompany all of life’s major changes. Add the stress of selling a home, and searching for a new job into the mix, and it’s easy to understand why my emotions are getting the best of me.

Selfishly I would like nothing more than to vent these feeling to my family, which on occasion I do. But over the past few days while house hunting in our new state, I’ve watched my daughters carefully for signs that they need comforting. Signs that they are feeling stress, anger, or heartache with this reality thrust upon them. For they too have much at stake. Being 15 year olds, they will be entering their sophomore year of high school. They are moving away from the friends and family they love most. The terms of our housing and their schooling has not been determined, yet school begins in just a few weeks’ time. They will be going to a fairly large public high school, yet they leave behind an extremely small, sheltered Christian school. Yes, they have much at stake. Yesterday as we looked at each possible new home, I watched them. I looked for signs of stress, anger, and sadness. I saw none of the feelings that my heart seemed to be exploding with. Instead what I saw was courage and grace and happiness. Their willingness to embrace this change makes me want to try harder to be more like them. While I’m not foolish enough to think that the stressors in a teenager’s life can compare to that of an adult, it helps bring me some level of comfort to know that I am raising daughters who are open to change, and sometimes far stronger than I have ever been. Having spent much of the past night lying awake, fretting over our future, this realization at dawn’s early light will hopefully sustain me, and lead me to a braver path.

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