How To Be An Intentional Listener

As teachers we are constantly seeking to be heard. Heard by students, colleagues, administrators, and parents. After all, ours is a professional where the role of the listener often determines our success as facilitators of the knowledge we hope to impart. And if our goal is to engage and be heard, then should it not also be our duty to understand what it truly means to be a good listener?

Listening Defined

Listening can simply be defined as the act of hearing or paying attention.  But the art of listening goes beyond this simple definition. For listening truly is an art. And in order to get good at this art, most of us need practice before we get it right. More importantly however, we need to practice being intentional listeners.

Stephen R. Covey (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) suggested that “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply”. Simply put, most people have their own agendas, and therefore are not intentionally listening. Instead they often “listen” with the sole purpose of answering back. If you have ever been on the receiving end of one of these conversations, you have felt devalued. Not heard. Most of us can harken back to a time during our schooling where we faced a teacher who put his/her own agenda at the forefront of every interaction. Chances are that experience was less than satisfying.These kinds of conversations often result in very destructive relationships if left unchecked. When someone’s words are left unheard, self-doubt permeates that relationship every time there is an exchange.

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On the flip side of this, when someone feels truly listened to, a healthy, safe environment is created. When we are heard, we feel valued and respected. For at the heart of every interaction is the desire to be fully heard. As educators, we must strive to create these safe environments by being intentional listeners. To offer anything less cheats the children in our care.

Two Critical Facets That Ensure Intentional Listening:

  • Set aside your own agenda
  • Always keep in mind that the person standing in front of you is more important than the issue you are discussing

Always try to hold on tight to the notion that you musn’t allow your own agenda to get in the way of what another is trying to communicate. This is easier said than done, especially for those type A personalities who need control and enjoy being the voice of reason. It will take lots of practice for these kinds of personalities to fully embrace the art of intentional listening, because they often seem to think that their agenda is the only agenda. Or the only agenda that matters. Set aside your own agenda. Be present and hear what another person has to say without letting your needs interfere. Practice this often.

Finally, always keep in mind that it is the relationships in your life that matter most, not the issues that you might grapple over. Never let an issue lead you so far astray that you forget about the friend, parent, colleague, or student standing before you. Building relationships is crucial. And one of the best ways to develop relationships is to be a good listener. Imagine the potential in our classrooms, boardrooms, and our lives if we practiced the art of listening – intently.

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2 thoughts on “How To Be An Intentional Listener

  1. So glad to meet here! This post resonates with me because I often share that quote from Covey. I wrote two recent posts on teaming that could be a companion piece to this post! Would love to follow you on Twitter. Can you tell me your @ handle.

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