Listening, Part 2

Recently I wrote about listening and how what and who you listen to influences what you do in life. If you read that post you know that I have been listening to and influenced by the wrong person for quite some time now.  I have been on vacation this past week, therefore I have had much time to reflect on this, as often is the case when I am away from school. In fact, it is always during this “free” time that I gain the most perspective about myself both personally and professionally. When I am away from the source of that negative influence, I feel motivated to develop my craft. I am inspired by, and seek out others who share similar ideologies. Quite honestly, I become the teacher/person that I know I am meant to be.

The person I am meant to be is creative, passionate, and motivated. She is a lover of books, writing, and music. Going on walks and feeling the warmth of the sun inspire her and sometimes moves her to tears. (Did I mention passionate?) The person I am meant to be is not just a good teacher, but a confident, much sought-after teacher. The person I am meant to be is…positive, optimistic and hopeful.

This realization then forced me to reflect back on my life, and to think about another voice that I listened to many years ago. A voice that influenced me and greatly shaped the way that I felt about myself.  A voice that left me broken and full of self-doubt. A voice that led me down a path similar to the one that I am walking today. Sadly it became increasingly clear to me that when I listen to certain people, my own voice is silenced. I become the person that I know I am NOT meant to be.

The person I am NOT meant to be is doubtful, negative, and sad.

My last post ended with the question why. Why have I let someone, some people, have such great influence over me? Is there something in me, (my DNA?) that doesn’t always allow me to filter certain voices in a rational way? Some would say that it stems from feelings of low self-worth or lack of confidence. I would argue that if that were the case, why have there only been a select few who manage to influence me as such? I’m not sure I know the answer, or if the why is even important anymore. I think the far more important lesson here is that I am recognizing and owning this part of myself. With wisdom comes the hope that one can learn from past mistakes. So on this hopeful, sunny day I am thinking positively. As I walked in the warmth of the sunshine this afternoon, listening to music that inspires me, I was moved to tears.  Today, however those tears felt cleansing to my soul. The wind felt like a long lost friend guiding me back “home”. I like what my voice was saying today, I was listening. I am storing it in my pocket to keep with me when I return to school next week. For that’s when I will need to hear it the most. Because when you find the most important voice, and you really listen, only then can you live the life you were meant to live. To be the person you were truly meant to be.

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